When we talk about achieving goals, self-compassion is probably the last thing that pops up in our minds. But what if I told you that self-compassion is exactly what helped me achieve my biggest goals in life?
Like many of us, I believed for the longest time that to be successful, you need to work hard, have eyes on the prize, never stop, and never give up.
So, Whenever I had a goal, I'd immediately go into beast mode.
And even though I used to pump myself up and listen to motivational speeches to keep going, I'd also bully myself incessantly into achieving those goals.
I'm not gonna lie; I did achieve some of those, but listen, they didn't actually align with what I really wanted from life, and I felt miserable and completely exhausted once I got there. Also, I didn't enjoy the process. And if I'm not enjoying it at all, it's simply not worth it.
Now, if you ask me about big goals that were once a dream, I never achieved them there before I started practicing self-compassion.
I'd quit too soon, make up great reasons to give up, or convince myself I wanted something different.
I couldn't picture a world where I was kind to myself and, at the same time, still did what I had to do. I was convinced I had to be tough and work hard, and you could see that in the way I spoke to myself and the nasty things I'd say in my head about who I was when I felt I wasn't doing enough.
Which was pretty much all the time.
Even though I was set in my ways, it was clear that it wasn't working for me. I'd see myself returning to the exact same spot where everything started, over and over again.
That place where I felt unfulfilled, empty, and not worthy. Something had to change.
So, I tried a more compassionate approach. Here's what I did:
1. Instead of self-bullying, I started 'self-compassion-ing.'
I had this terrible habit of bullying myself into doing things. And when I made mistakes or failed to achieve a milestone, I used to beat myself up incessantly. Once self-compassion got into the picture, I understood that this was learned behavior. I was repeating what was done to me during my childhood. And just like little Erika could use some love and encouragement back then, grown-up Erika was the same.
So, I started feeding both parts of me with words of encouragement and contrasting self-hate thoughts with loving ones.
For the first time in my life, I felt held and safe to go after my goals, which was so refreshing and motivating! Fulfilling, I'd say.
2. Instead of pushing harder, I started resting more.
I struggled with a lot of guilt when resting. And I have to be honest here; this is the one that, to this day, I still need to check myself sometimes to snap out of crazy guilt trips. Lucky for me, I have a new mantra that brings me back to my centered, loving self again: Resting is productive.
Most of us have engraved in our minds that we shouldn't stop. We should always be productive and do something. If not for you, help others, but for Christ's sake, do not. Ever. Stop.
Let's take a deep breath in here and call it what it is: a bunch of BS.
When you rest, you let your mind, body, and soul breathe. And that's the most productive thing you'll ever do for yourself, your loved ones, and your business or career.
So, no more pushing harder for me. When I feel this type of energy coming, I take a deep breath and pause. Sometimes for two minutes, sometimes half a day, sometimes more. And it's okay. I know I only come back stronger every time.
3. Instead of doing what I thought I was supposed to do, I started doing what I really wanted to do.
Part of being self-compassionate is being more connected with self. When you connect with it, you give yourself permission to honor yourself more and focus on what you truly want from life.
Before, I didn't give myself time to reflect on what I really wanted. Again, if we don't stop for a moment, how will we even know? But in practicing self-compassion, I welcomed time for my deepest desires to manifest and the space to go after them!
That's how I've been going after what I truly want and making my dreams come true, one by one. And honoring my needs at the same time. Because yes, we can do both.
Self-compassion has been instrumental in helping me achieve my goals. Without it, I would have never allowed me to quit my teaching job to follow my purpose of helping survivors like me heal, level up, and thrive from the inside out. I would never have allowed myself to write again and be published on big blogs like 'tiny buddha' and the 'Elephant Journal' or create my awesome community of badass, thriving survivors, the Happy Survivors Tribe. And so many other big or small achievements!
This is your sign that there is a gentler way to do things. You can have your dream life, and it doesn't have to be that hard. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion as you go. Anything is possible!
Lots of love,
Erika.
Pssst! Did you know we're having our brand new 3-day free online experience, 'The Gentle Path to Success'? We're starting on Monday 23!
You can sign up here.
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