Like many survivors of childhood trauma, I spent most of my life feeling I was not good enough. I felt inferior to others and believed that what I did was never enough to be loved and accepted. I thought I wasn't good enough to have a loving relationship, felt like an impostor in every space I stepped in, and was always trying to do better and be better in the hopes of somebody validating my enoughness.

I carried this feeling through childhood and only started shaking it off in my late twenties. Honestly, to this day, I still need a reminder or two. Hence the "I am enough" tattoo on my arm.

Feeling like I am not enough has been a topic throughout my healing journey. It was so engraved in me to think poorly of myself that it took me a long time to be aware of what I was doing. I thought it was normal to feel this way, but eventually, I began questioning everything and wondering why I felt the way I felt.

In the long conversations I had with my true self, I concluded that there are three simple reasons why childhood trauma survivors like me think they are not enough, and that's what we're looking into today so you, too, can reflect on the source of your not 'enoughness' and shake it off!

#1 Someone told you you were not enough while you were still forming your identity 

I reckon all living beings on this planet are born enough and worthy. Have you noticed that little children don't walk around wondering if they're enough?

When we're little, we're like plants; we don't stop and question if we're worthy of being here. Plants don't wonder if they're enough to be kissed by the sun or to receive water to survive. But we do. And I believe it's because somewhere along the way, someone in our lives planted the seed that we're not enough.

Maybe they told you straight to your face, or their actions made you believe you're not enough.

Unfortunately, that can be really impactful because, as kids, we're still forming our identities and neuro pathways! Did you know that's when we establish the foundation for navigating and interacting with the world? 

No wonder we still struggle with this today!

#2 Society and culture's unrealistic standards

I have to be honest; I'm rolling my eyes over here. It's been a while since I quit trying to fit into our crazy society's norms of what and who is worthy. It's often quite frustrating to see that in 2024, still, our enoughness, according to some spaces, is defined by what we own, who we know, the color of our skin, how much money we have in our bank account, and so on.

I know society is vast and varied, but as someone born in Angola, Africa, raised in Portugal, Europe, who interacts with people from all over the world daily, I can't let any society or culture off the hook. We all have this way of making some people or groups of people feel like they're not enough just because they don't fit the mold. And don't even get me started with the fact that the mold keeps changing as we go.

It pains my heart to see that on top of the emotional load we carry as survivors, there's societal pressure whispering to us as well.

But I invite you to welcome this awareness. It can set you free.  

#3 Confirmation bias

Even though we don't like to admit it, we all love being right. That's actually quite common and very human, I'd say. But we must pay attention to it because it can be very detrimental.

As humans, we spend our lives looking for evidence that our beliefs are true. Unfortunately, when you've been told all your life that you are not enough, that means you'll look for proof that it is true. And that can lead to a distorted vision of the world and poor decision-making that further solidifies the belief.

And these are the three main reasons I found wouldn't let me stop believing I wasn't enough. But you know what? As a wise person said once, knowledge is power. And once I knew these were the reasons, I knew exactly what to do. So here's how you can start thinking and truly believing that yes, you are and always have been enough:

First, you need to go back to that foundation built in your childhood to rebuild it with new, loving, validating beliefs, and let go of the beliefs that do not serve you. It's also essential to remind yourself that you're safe now and that you dictate the rules. Be open to welcoming a world where you were born worthy and will always be. Do not let society or anyone else tell you otherwise.

And now that you are aware of the confirmation bias, look for proof that you are enough. Practice gratitude and hold on to the fact that if you are in this world, you belong here.

Your whole body will have no other option but to see and accept the truth that you are enough.

Are you ready to embrace your enough-ness? I hope so!

Love,

Erika.

Pssst! Have you read my last blog post? This time it wasn't published here but in one of my favorite platforms ever; The Elephant Journal! You can read Simone Biles is Showing us How to Thrive as a Survivor Without Neglecting Self-care here.