I have to admit that I was going to write a blog post on another topic, but I wasn't feeling it. This usually happens to me when I know I have something more important to say. To be honest, I was a bit reluctant to write this piece, even though I've had it for years inside my head and heart, but here I am. My purpose and my values are screaming at me to pass on this message. So that's exactly what I am going to do.
Before I get into this, I just want to say that I recognize that there are a lot of great moms out there. I appreciate them, and for me, they are like heroes. They are pushing our society forward and creating loving individuals every day, hopefully with the help of a great dad, or family. You see, I know some people who have had great examples in their families growing up, but I know of others that had more of a "what not to do" masterclass. The reason why I'm writing this article is that I see so many family portraits on social media talking about how moms are great and family is everything, and I can't help but think of the people who are captive of their not-so-great family members. I would love to see more quotes and texts and videos and messages telling these people that they are not alone.
I think we sometimes forget to see moms for what they really are: people! They are just normal people like you and me. Are people great? Yeah, sometimes! The same with moms. I know that this may sound simplistic, but trust me: understanding this on a deep level helped in a way that I can not even explain. It took a lot of weight out of my chest. I had to sit with this thought, so I could assimilate the fact that my family was not as great as families are supposed to be (whatever that means). My family was not everything. I had to see them as normal people because normal people fail and make mistakes. I had to destroy that idea that you should stand by your family members "no matter what", because: where is the line? "No matter what" should not mean violence, abuse or neglect. I've had to draw this line myself. Being family does not justify abuse.
If you need to draw a line but your hands are shaking because of the idea that families stick together no matter what, do it anyway. Not all moms are great, not all families are perfect. Some distance may be what you need, boundaries may be the option, or you have tried everything, and right now all you want is zero contact. You have got to do whatever is necessary for your safety, for your peace of mind and I support you in that. You are not alone.
Namaste,
Erika.
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