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  • Writer's pictureErika Sardinha

I Am My Own Savior: The Harsh But Liberating Truth For Trauma Survivors.

"The moment I realized no one was coming to save me, I became my own savior. And my dream life started to take shape"

When I was in my late twenties, I was living a numb and checked-out life and feeling depressed most of the time. I had been through a lot, and all the pain I accumulated after unconsciously deciding to move on and pretend like nothing happened was taking a toll on me.


My nightmares were becoming worse each night, and I was feeling sad five out of seven days of the week and numb for two. I mean, It wasn't a good scenario.


In a failed attempt to run away from my problems (and myself), I'd recently moved to the Canary Islands and found myself once again broke and broken; I could barely speak Spanish in a Spanish-speaking country, so I was having trouble communicating and find a job, spent most of my money, and was ashamed of asking for help.


But despite all these difficulties, I refused to return home like a loser.

Call me stubborn, if you will, but if it weren't for my stubbornness, I would probably not be where I am today.


Yes, my life was a huge mess. But hitting rock bottom (for the millionth time) made me determined to ensure I would never put myself in that situation again. Ever. And that's when my healing journey started.


Now, what is a healing journey without an 'a-ha' moment?


I had mine on a random day in the late afternoon when walking my dog, Boni. You may not believe this, but I remember the exact spot where the thought that would change everything for me came to mind.


Rock-bottom was a familiar place to me, but this time, things hit differently. Instead of blaming my ex, society, my lack of money, my mother, my father, or my stepfather, who abused me, I started looking for more empowering answers, and that's when I realized none of these people were physically there with me.


Nobody was telling me: "Erika, get into shitty relationships! And listen, even though you know you have the skills to have a great job or run a business, go with the first thing that comes up. And friends? Make toxic friends. The more toxic, the better because you want it to feel like home!" Nobody.


I realized I was doing all this to myself without them pulling the strings like they used before; they left, and I kept pulling the strings, bullying myself, doubting myself, and mistreating myself.


Wow!


It is their fault to a certain extent, but it is my responsibility now since they're not here anymore, and I'm a grown woman.


This information hit me like a lightning bolt: "Wait a minute! If I've been pulling the strings all along since I became free from my abuser and distanced myself from the toxic environment I grew up in, I have the power to pull different strings!" GAMECHANGER!


I didn't feel like I walked around waiting for someone to save me, but I certainly thought of myself as a powerless person, a victim of the circumstances. Back then, when I looked at my life, I pictured myself as this boat in the middle of the vast ocean, with no sense of direction. I only recently learned to swim, so you can imagine how lost and hopeless I felt.


Don't get me wrong, I know this is a harsh truth. Trauma has its consequences after all, and just like we have free will now, the people who did us wrong used it to abuse us, and I'm not sugarcoating that.


But the thing is... what's the alternative? Give up on ourselves, try to make justice for something irreparable? What about our happiness?


I rather take my power back and say; You know what? You're not stopping me from being happy. You no longer have power over me. My past does not define me. I am my own savior. I got my back! I'll take it from here.


What do you say? Are you ready to take responsibility for your healing and growth? You have the power within you to be who you are and create the life you want to be living, and part of the process is what I described above: realizing that you are your own savior!


You got this!


If you want support on your journey, join us at the Happy Survivors Tribe; my free, private Facebook community. We recently had our 5-day Free Your Badass Self Challenge, which was liberating! Join here and have access to all trainings and meet a community of badass thriving survivors!


Love,

Erika.

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