I come from a loveless upbringing. I mean, love was there but I never felt it. It was like all this love thing belonged to the soap operas.

Hugs and "I love yous?" "All bulshit, it's not like this in real life..."All this "nhenhenhe" is not real. "People don't really do this in their homes" - I was told once when I was a kid.

I received love in the form of food on the table and basic needs (Which I deeply appreciate). The couples around me were cheating, beating, hating each other, lying, pretending and basically just did not love each other. Hugs came from outsiders and I heard the words "I love you" from a couple of friends for the first time in my life when I was already a grown-up person.

Time and time again, I was the receptacle of hate and pain from someone very close to me. Someone who was supposed to love me and take care of me. So how could I know how to love?

I didn't. But I knew that I had infinite love inside me so when I went on my self-discovery journey, love and relationships were at the top of my list.

I rubbed my hands, read, watched all the experts' videos I could find, worked on myself, and learned a few things that I would like to share with you today. Are you ready?

1. Love yourself first

Let's face it, when you love yourself you don't settle for less, you don't sabotage yourself and you don't pretend to be someone you are not just to please a stranger. When you love yourself, you don't need to hurt yourself or others, because you have no room for that.

The thing is... almost none of us learned how to nurture self-love, and that's okay. Today is a great day as any other to start learning.

I have to admit, I felt so clueless I studied this topic to exhaustion! I'm not joking when I say I could write an entire book on this subject, but let's start with these three powerful nuggets to practice unconditional self-love:

•  Forgive every single person you have (and want to) forgive, including yourself. Free yourself from guilt and stop punishing yourself for something someone has done to you.

• Your body is a temple, treat it properly. Get enough sleep every day, eat healthily, drink water, exercise...

• Get some time alone and be silent. Meditation is my go-to, but you can just sit down and listen to what your soul is longing for.

  
  

2. Admit you know nothing (and be willing to learn)

It's okay, no one knows what they are doing anyway. You can drop that weight and quit feeling like an alien because you are not. Believe me, I'm an alien. I know what I'm talking about.

The good news is, you can learn EVERYTHING! Just keep in mind that you will be learning throughout your entire life and that is totally normal.

Allow yourself to slowly tap into this crazy world of relationships and learn things at your own pace, creating your own kind of relationship.

3. Forget about all the nonsense you have learned over the years

Things like "Wait a few hours before answering a message"; "Never text first"; "Play hard to get"; "Men are all the same"; "Women are all the same"; "Everybody cheats"; "love does not exist"; "love is pain" etc. are complete nonsense to me.

Before I met my partner of five years (and counting), I decided to treat men like the real people they are and not as the personification of all the cliches that have ever existed about them.

This allowed me to see the human in front of me, without all the noise, and honestly, it also gave me the chance to be more sincere. Off with the masks, in with the real connections.

When we didn't have the best examples growing up, we're better off not following them. Sometimes, it may be challenging because the programming runs deep, but may today be the day we start rewriting our love stories!

Decide today to break those patterns and choose new ones for your own life. Drop what does not serve you or your set of values. You deserve to create a love life that honors you!

4. Be honest

Let's face it, communication is key for any relationship. Honest conversations about the past, present, and future are extremely important.

I understand that the past is in the past, but let your partner know where you are coming from and be open to knowing more about the person you are with. Hopefully, you will have the rest of your lives to deal with the practicalities of life so do not be afraid to stop for a moment and engage in deep conversations.

If you like something, speak up. If you don't, speak up as well. Do that from a place of love and enjoy the wonders of being in a healthy and loving relationship.

When you speak up about something, check yourself first. Ego gets in the way so many times, and it leads us to unnecessary struggles with our dearest ones.

Honesty must be towards yourself as well. Stay true to yourself and trust your gut and judgment (not your fear of getting into a relationship and getting hurt! I know you know what I'm talking about ...). Be honest about your needs, and about how you are feeling, and don't bury feelings away. When you are true to yourself, it is easier to be true to others.

5. Allow it

That's where I always got stuck (Not anymore!). I used to ask for things but at the core, I did not think that I deserved it. So even if they would come to me I'd be looking in the opposite direction or worse: sabotaging myself.

Then I realized what I was doing and changed this crazy pattern with TONS of action, more towards self-love.

So... allow good things to come into your life. We all deserve to be happy. Do you have a wonderful person in front of you? Enjoy it, appreciate it, embrace it, love it. No trick and no melodrama is waiting for you. We are the ones who create all those things. Sh#t happens? Oh yeah, it does, but why do we have to be the ones to make it happen?

Be happy now. Enjoy the moment. Let bliss come to you and savor it, but savor it well because you do deserve it. Don't forget to put yourself out there. All these things that you have been hiding with the fear of getting hurt, allow them to come outside. I'm sure your partner (or a future one) will appreciate it.

Love,

Erika